


Corporeal ghosts

by everythingispoetry



Series: If die, only in Manhattan [11]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cancer, Decisions, F/M, Gen, M/M, Press and Tabloids, Secret Identity, Terminal Illnesses, Tony Feels, Triple Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-16 09:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1343149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingispoetry/pseuds/everythingispoetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the last day of summer and no one notices. </p><p> <em>‘Tell her it’s ridiculously early. We won’t be leaving here until what, four, and yes, I know she has my suit and all, but it’s not going to take ages to get ready. Not that long, for sure.’</em><br/><em>‘It might, if you wish to look very handsome,’ JARVIS comments smugly.</em></p><p>(Part 11:  September 2013)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Music for this piece: [The Velvet Underground - All tomorrow's parties](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol0dPJdzm1M)
> 
> Beta of the story by Kae & [whitchry9](http://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9) Thank you! <3A

4:47

The clock’s green ciphers seem to be pulsating in semi-darkness.

Tony can’t sleep, which isn’t new, but the anxiety that’s keeping him awake is unusual. Normally it’s just pain.

It’s a big day and it’ll be an amazing day, but he’s not there yet. Here, sitting on his bed in the dark lonely bedroom, dressed in loose pajamas, with white shadows of medicine bottles blinking at him from the nightstand, he’s just a tired and sick man. When he leaves his house in a few hours, he needs to be someone else.

In a way, he can’t wait, he’s been thinking about this moment for a long time now, but it feels somehow overwhelming. He’ll still do it and he’ll make the world dance at his feet, but in a few hours. Now he needs a shower and maybe something to eat, before he takes the first round of meds for the day at 6 a.m.

‘JARVIS,’ he mutters, swinging his legs off the bed and hesitating for a second before touching the cold floor with his feet. ‘Everything all right?’

‘Yes,’ the A.I. replies, not surprised by the random question. ‘Everyone is fine. Most are sleeping, though, including Captain Rogers.’

‘Must’ve been tired,’ Tony concludes, knowing that Steve hates sleeping on planes. ‘Don’t say it,’ he adds before JARVIS can comment that he should be sleeping, too. Even though JARVIS wouldn’t. He knows better than that. ‘Run hot water,’ Tony adds, making his way to the bathroom.

 

 

4:57

It still feels novel, the way he can run his hand through his short hair while showering. The feeling is goodthough, and he enjoys it with his eyes closed, careful not to get shampoo in his eyes.

The hairstyle is still not what it used to be, of course, but it’s getting there. It doesn’t matter that much, though. Everyone could recognize Tony Stark by his trademark goatee which he has been taking good care of recently.

‘It’ll be fun,’ Tony tells himself, a shiver running down his spine.

‘I will certainly enjoy the people’s reaction and media coverage afterwards,’ JARVIS comments dryly, making Tony chuckle at the thought. ‘I will make sure to record Stane’s reaction from prison security cameras for you,’ J adds smugly.

Tony smiles at him and tries to persuade himself to go face the world, but he fails at that and lets himself enjoy the hot water raining all over his tired body for a bit longer.

 

5:34

He toasts a slice of cardamom bread – a result of one of Happy’s newest fascinations with Scandinavian cuisine – and chews it down with a cup of tea.

The house feels so calm, like calm before a storm.

Then a message pops up on one of the wall-wide screens, saying  _how are you_. Pepper, of course, everyone else is asleep at this crazy hour. Then, a second late,  _I’ll come at 11_.

‘Tell her it’s ridiculously early. We won’t be leaving here until what, four, and yes, I know she has my suit and all, but it’s not going to take ages to get ready. Not that long, for sure.’

‘It might, if you wish to look very handsome,’ JARVIS comments smugly. ‘And if you try to tie your tie yourself.’

‘You’re such a joke,’ Tony rolls his eyes. He’s too comfortable to move, so he stays there, his arm resting on the table and his head propped on it, unmoving. The message disappears, making everything look darker all suddenly. ‘And I love you for that.’

‘Oh, sir,’ J just says softly, making Tony’s heart skip a beat.

 

5:59

The back of Tony’s throat tastes sandy and bitter so he takes a few hungry gulps of apple juice. It tastes vile but he’s growing used to that. After a few more swallows he starts to feel the actual fruity flavor.

‘J, baby, how you feeling about today?’

‘I have been waiting for this for far too long,’ JARVIS replies. He’s totally serious.

Tony shakes his head in amusement and makes his way to the workshop. Maybe it would have been even longer, if he had answers. Certainty. But none of the doctors really  _know_.

He should be in the middle of his radiation course but he isn’t. The others still act unsure about this but seem to respect Tony’s decision to stop the treatment. Now it’s just kind of a gamble: Levy emphasized that in Tony’s case – with his unique history and current situation, primarily the arc reactor – it’s very difficult to give him a prediction.

‘A few months,’ she said, eyes fixed on his file in her lap, when he went to see her after a transfusion.

‘Less than six?’ he asked, waiting for her to look up. She tried to be vague, still flipping through the pages, so he asked again, ‘Less than six?’

It took her a moment.

‘Most probably,’ she admitted finally.

‘Is there someone who can give second opinion and someone I could talk with about hospice care?’ Tony asked bluntly, because he’s known for ages what the procedures are.

She nodded tiredly.

It felt strange, seeing her make calls and glancing at him unsurely. As if he was stronger than everyone else, making this decision. It was the first time he fully, really felt that.

Steve protested, and everyone else, for a few days, but then he accepted Tony’s decision. It took some almost-shouting, a few almost-quarrels, and a conversations with Tony’s doctors.

‘I remember that talk we had, about knowing when to stop,’ Tony said simply, keeping a small smile on his face, ‘and it’s now.’

That was three weeks ago.

Now Steve is with everyone on a plane, coming back from an unexpected mission, and he will apologize endlessly when he comes back home for leaving Tony alone in such tough time.

Tony won’t let Steve realize he… he might have needed those days alone, for working, thinking, talking with people who knew him  _back then_ , and for figuring who he is right now, who can he be, who he wants to be.

He’s been split in three for so long. Putting it back into one is a challenge.

 

6:37

‘Boss,’ Tony hears a familiar voice behind his back, ‘if you wanna sleep, go to bed. Or move to the sofa, at least. I want to eat my breakfast and you’re taking all the space.’

Tony blinks blearily, realizing that he dozed off by the kitchen table. He’s definitely not taking up all of the space, the table is fit for at least five more people, but he knows the game well enough.

‘Sure, whatever,’ he waves his hand randomly and makes his way to the sofa, but he can’t fall asleep again, so a few minute later he goes back to the workshop and sits in his nest, staring at the sunrise that slightly delayed by the clouds. The light is just starting to seep through them and announcing the start of the day, colored pale pink and yellow all over the sky.

 

7:40

‘JARVIS, I need you to call Peter and ask him to come to the big workshop,’ Tony suddenly says, standing up. He’s been thinking about this for last half hour, mind drifting while his fingers were skillfully drawing some detailed schematics, keeping his brain occupied. ‘Tell him to meet me there at nine.’

‘Sir?’

‘I need to talk to him  _first_. You can guess why because you can always guess everything, so come on, J. Don’t be silly –’ he stops, takes in a hitched breath and exhales slowly.

‘ _Sir_.’

‘I’m fine, don’t sweat it, baby, it’s just a tingle or whatever. Breathing with this thingy in my chest isn’t making it easier,’ he adds, tapping the reactor’s cover.

‘Sir,’ JARVIS says again, sounding slightly resigned, but before Tony can get in the suit and out of the flat, J confirms sending a message to Peter. It’s a bit annoying, not letting anyone see  _Nate_  these days – Tony misses Riverside kids so damn much – but it’s a price to pay. He had to keep things secret for a while.

It takes Tony twelve minutes to finally land in the big workshop, after a short  _stroll_  around New York airspace. Invisible mode, of course. Iron Man is a serious figure and doesn’t just hang around in the air, staring at everything as if it was the first or the last time he was seeing it.

 

8:53

‘So, we’ve gone over the speech and everything, what d’ya think, J?’

‘You asked me that question about fourteen times in the last three days.’

‘ _About_ ,’ Tony laughs, knowing well enough that JARVIS can keep track of the most random and ridiculous numbers.  _About_  is just an expression, one that makes Tony cringe inside bit because it’s his fault he made the A.I. this human. Shadowing humans. ‘I guess,’ he mutters, closing the file and touching the button for  _print_  which is floating in front of him, incorporated in the big hologram, and then he makes a clapping gesture and everything disappears in a fraction of a second, making the space feel big and empty.

Then, suddenly, a knock echoes in the room, and Tony takes a deep breath and tells JARVIS to unlock the door.

‘Don’t kill me,’ Tony says loudly, leaning back in his chair, before Peter can see him.

Peter tenses and looks around warily at the unfamiliar voice. One that he doesn’t know, in this very personal space – or maybe one that he thinks he knows. Remotely.

‘Peter,’ Tony manages to say before the kid in in front of him, his face inches away, hands wrapped around the armrests, almost trapping Tony. Peter stares for a moment and then blinks at the realization, his face darkens as he moves back few steps, slowly and smoothly.

‘You fucker,’ Peter says in a low, almost dangerous voice that sounds so strange coming from him. ‘You – I told you and you said – you  _lied to me_ –’

‘Yes,’ Tony admits. He can’t lie anymore right now, even though he’d like to, he’d like to stop his heart beating too fast with shame and excitement.

‘I don’t even –’ Peter trails off, his stare hardening. ‘You’re  _him_.You are him, you are both of them, how did – how on earth did you pull that off, how long has it been, years?  _Years_?’

Tony nods.

It feels surreal, to be  _himself_. To pretend to be Stark again – even though he’s never stopped. It still feels like an awful mess in his head, mostly.

‘The press conference,’ Peter states in sudden realization, loudly, filling the space with his voice, and takes another step back. Tony waits. ‘Why now?’ Peter questions, narrowing his eyes.

Within a fraction of a second Tony considers several replies as there isn’t one right, one that would say everything, one that would make the situation make sense, thoroughly. So instead of trying a hearty confession, he gives Peter a challenge.

‘Can’t you guess?’

Peter doesn’t reply and doesn’t move, he observes, body frozen with tension, and that almost makes Tony regret his decision. But it’s still better than letting the kid know with everyone else.

‘I know you claim your spider sense tingles when someone dodgy is creeping up in you, it was how you worded it yourself, I believe, but you know I know it’s more than that. Right? It’s not just that. You know more. You know – you must know something is wrong.’

‘How do I know I can trust you?’ Peter asks, still unmoving. His eyes shine of betrayal.

That’s the other side of the coin: betrayal.

‘You are here and I’m talking to you,’ Tony says simply, hoping it works. ‘You’ve been here so many times and I’ve been teaching you. I’m pretty sure nothing I can say will help, so I’m not going to come up with excuses and all the shit. I don’t have time or energy for that, sweetheart,’ he adds, rounding the last word and smiling in a true Stark fashion.

Then Peter laughs.

‘You bastard,’ he chokes out in between bouts of laughter, ‘you fucking bastard.’

Tony isn’t sure what to do, he gives J a glance, and then waits, the sound of Peter’s remotely hysterical voice making his skin tingle. He feels so damn weak today. He was hoping it would be okay, this one afternoon, that it would be a  _better_  day. One of those better days he’s been talking with his doctors about.

‘You’re ill,’ Peter than whispers and Tony almost misses it because it’s a complete opposition to Spider Man’s loudness just a second earlier. ‘I can’t tell more.’

‘Yeah, I’m kinda dying,’ Tony admits, raising an eyebrow. The nonchalance is almost too easy but that’s good: he wants it. He needs it. He isn’t sure he can deal with everything in any other way, later today. ‘Hence all the confessions and the drama.’

‘You’re  _what_?’

‘You heard it the first time, don’t make me repeat it, and yes, it’s true and no, not everyone but you knows, there are very few people who know. I wanted to talk to you before the whole world. I hope you get how lucky you are and all that –’

‘You’re  _dying_?’

‘Peter –’

‘What about Steve?’

‘He knows,’ Tony admits, inclining his head. Steve. With everyone else on the plane, flying back from Chile. They should be around in two hours. ‘He’s known since before we started, you know, going out and things. I’m not that much of a bastard. I have cancer.’

‘Okay,’ Peter says slowly, trying to process the words, and a moment later he’s sitting in one of the swivel chairs in front of Tony. It’s easy to forget how quick he is sometimes, Tony thinks shaking his head. ‘I just thought  _Nate_  was a bit ill and nothing more and – how can you just sit like that? Wait – you’ve known for a long time, haven’t you?’

‘Long time,’ Tony nods, shifting in his armchair. He almost says he’s sorry but he promised JARVIS he wouldn’t. Actually, he made that promise several times. So he can’t.

‘Is it okay if you tell me more or something? I – is it  _really_  for real?’

Tony evades the question and instead starts, ‘You’re a scientist, Peter. You know there are lots of questions without answers, theories without proofs, and situations without a way out, even if you are a genius. Certified genius.’

Peter snickers at that, pulls his legs up wrapping his arms around them, and listens.

 

10:01

‘So you want me to meet with her?’

‘Probably not today and not in the next few days – she’ll be damn busy with all the SI things, and sorting out everything and press conferences – but yeah. I know you could use a proper working environment and S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t have half the toys, and I need someone to take care of my stuff. I trust you with that.’

‘... are you trying to steal everyone from Fury?’ Peter asks, tilting his head in curiosity, after a moment of consideration.

‘All of our team, yeah, like a separate division. We’ve talked about that for a long time, Avengers being independent. I just want to add personal touches.’

‘You’re insane, old man.’

‘Damn right,’ Tony agrees because it sounds about right.

‘I like that,’ Peter declares, standing up. ‘I’ll see you in a few, right?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Till then,  _Tony_ ,’ Peter says and Tony salutes him, pretending not to notice how the boy’s voice trembles slightly. When he’s alone in the workshop, Tony smiles and allows himself a quiet moment before standing up.

 

10:23

Rhodey is in the small workshop when Tony lands, playing virtual basketball with the bots. Tony rolls his eyes at the sugar-dripping setting but he’s pleased inside. It’s always great to see how much the kids adore Rhodey.

‘Tony,’ Rhodey says simply, looking at Iron Man’s armor unwrapping from around Tony’s body.

‘Yeah, platypus?’

‘I thought about what you asked me.’

Tony’s heart skips a beat.

‘Yeah, and?’

‘The name still isn’t mine. It belongs to either you or J and I want nothing to do with it – but I’m in.’

‘Good,’ Tony nods curtly, but before he can say something more, Rhodey speaks up again.

‘I quit my liaison job.’

‘Rhodey –’

‘And the army.’

‘You must have planned it for long,’ Tony points out, frowning slightly; you don’t just  _quit_  the army.

The workshop feels so cold, for some reason, even though it’s such a lovely warm summer day outside, the last summer day. His body is just being silly again.

‘Are we doing an honesty day today, Tones?’

‘Pretty much,’ Tony confirms, running a hand through his hair, something he’s been re-learning to do, even though his hair is still too short to do it properly. ‘And don’t call me that, honeybear, we’re not sixteen anymore.’

‘Okay,’ Rhodey agrees, but his smile says something else. ‘So, honesty time,’ he adds, his voice growing more serious. ‘I’d have done it anyway, even if you weren’t doing your, for the lack of better expression,  _coming out_. I just want to be around. All the time. Whether you want me there or not, because I’m a selfish bastard and I want as much of you as I can get away with.’

‘Go on, then,’ Tony laughs. It’s easier to laugh than do anything else.

Rhodey wraps him in a strong embrace and when he finally pulls away, he gives Tony  _the look_. Tony straightens his back, claps his hands two times, and says, ‘Let’s get it started, baby.’

JARVIS gets the cue and the first notes of Tony’s favorite playlist fill the room, loud enough to cause anyone a headache, and Tony drags Rhodey to the hologram that just appeared in the middle of the room.

‘So, at the same time?’ Rhodey almost shouts over the music, and Tony nods. ‘You’re such a diva sometimes,’ Rhodey laughs, shaking his head in disbelief as he stares at the blue letters.

 

12:03

Tony’s just swallowed the midday round of his meds when Steve walks into the room, throws his bag onto the floor, and makes his way to Tony.

‘You look awful,’ he says warmly, kissing Tony’s forehead, and then swoops Tony into his damn strong arms.

‘Stop it, you,’ Tony mumbles, ‘you’re embarrassing me.’

Steve looks past Tony for a second, noticing Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy sitting on the sofa and observing the scene with amused faces, and then he  _winks_  at them, the traitor.

‘I’ll try on the suit if you let me down,’ Tony tries. Steve shakes his head. ‘I’ll… kiss you? Make you lunch? Give you an autograph so you can have one before it’s cool again?’

‘Shut up,’ Steve says fondly but does let Tony down. Tony’s legs feel just a tad shaky when he’s on his own again. ‘And do put on the suit.’

 

12:30

‘Well, I need to be going,’ Pepper says when she’s done with her salad. ‘I still need to prepare a few things before the evening.’

‘So you coming?’

‘I am,’ she gives Tony a quick kiss, grabs her bag, and leaves, the heels clicking.

‘I’ll have JARVIS direct you to a nice secret shadowy corner,’ Tony calls after her. The doors close a moment later and he stares back at his mostly full plate, sighs, and goes to get a nutrition shake from the fridge instead.

 

12:47

Steve’s taking a shower when Doc calls. Tony is in the workshop, standing in front of one of the open windows, enjoying the sunshine and the soft subtly scented breeze.

‘All good?’ he asks and Tony nods, realizing too late that Doc can’t see him.

‘All good,’ he confirms.

‘See ya then later, cowboy,’ Doc tells him before hanging up.

 

12:55

Steve is still in the bathroom when Rhodey walks into the workshop and closes the door behind quietly. Tony has moved from his observation spot to the swivel chair, with his legs resting on the desk, and now only a single ray of sun is sneaking deeper into the room and cutting across the space, resting on Tony’s ankles and highlighting the specks of dust floating lazily in the air.

‘Tony.’

‘Cupcake,’ Tony flashes Rhodey a smile.

‘You’re really doing this?’

‘Yeah –’

‘I mean, you’re doing  _both_?’

‘What’s so scary in having a bit of fun with S.H.I.E.L.D. in the face of the whole world?’

‘ _Tony_.’

‘Well,’ Tony shrugs, understanding well what an army-bred person might feel, S.H.I.E.L.D. is, in a way, Iron Man’s extended family. And Nate’s. It might be a bit cruel not to be more… verbose with them. ‘We wouldn’t want my perfect 8 bit piece of animation to be wasted and I so  _totally_ know you can’t wait.’

‘Damn right I can’t,’ Rhodey laughs and watches Tony type quickly and then press Stark-keyboard counterpart of  _enter_.

‘J, please, just block all the communications from them. At least until  _after_.’

‘With pleasure, sir,’ JARVIS replies gleefully and switches on the surrounding screens showing feed from S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ surveillance cameras so that Tony and Rhodey can watch the agents trying to figure out why all the screens blacked out and then staring at the  _very_  old videogame-style animation. Iron Man flies through the screens a few times, as if doing rounds, and then stops in the middle, landing in his trademark half-kneeling position, stands up, and waves at the audience. With one of those psychedelic high-pitched melodies playing from all speakers, the animated armor greets the agency and then says _I’ve got a gift for you, even though you don’t deserve it! I hope you will enjoy it!_

Iron Man does a Sailor Moon-like spin and the armor disappears, piece by piece, leaving a surprisingly accurate image of Tony Stark grinning and waving.

_Surprise!_ , the figure says and then the screen erupts in fireworks and goes black again.

It’s full five seconds before someone speaks up. It’s Hermes, of course.

‘Nick would love to talk with you, Tony,’ the A.I. informs them with a chuckle. ‘I made sure he’d love to take part in retro art appreciation.’

‘Oh, man,’ Rhodey breathes out, leaning back, and makes an amused face at Tony. Fury didn’t know about Tony’s plan, well, until a moment ago, it didn’t seem like a priority. Tony made sure no one but a few people knows about the press conference until necessary – which means Pepper is calling the reporters right now.

Telling them Iron Man will issue a statement is enough to have everyone drop what they are doing and rush wherever they are told to be.

‘We’re not taking calls, H. And thanks for making sure I was inside Fury’s personal network, by the way. Keep that up, kid.’

‘Always,’ Hermes assures him easily and disappears with a hollow clicking sound.

 

1:07

‘Stop dripping on my carpet,’ Tony says, raising an eyebrow at Steve who’s standing in the middle of the room, drying his hair with a towel.

‘Stop pretending you care,’ Steve replies, throwing the towel on the floor, and then grabs a t-shirt. ‘You could have one of the bots dry it for you, and it’s not like we’ll be staying here for long, right?’

‘Well,’ Tony agrees with a nod; they decided a few days ago to move to Tony’s apartment in one of his skyscrapers, the one Tony lived in before becoming Nate. It’s just much more comfortable, and right in the center of Manhattan – almost uncannily close to the Avengers HQ. ‘I don’t get why Happy wouldn’t let Rhodey sleep with him,’ he jokes, making Steve give him an annoyed look. Rhodey doesn’t know it yet but since they talked an hour ago, Tony decided to take him in, so that he can be around as much as he wants. Steve doesn’t question Tony’s decision at all.

‘Probably because he has a girlfriend,’ Steve replies after a long moment, buckling his belt and finally picking the wet towels from the floor to hang them in another inappropriate place.

‘Everyone talks about it but no one really knows –’

‘I know.’

‘Have you met her?’

‘Yes, Tony, I have.’

‘Really? She nice?’

‘You’ll see,’ Steve answers with a sudden conviction to his voice. Tony waits for elaboration but when it doesn’t come, he gets up from the armchair and walks up to Steve to give him a kiss.

Tony keeps his face straight throughout the kiss. Steve doesn’t seem to realize that Tony’s known from the beginning who the girlfriend is; Happy knows Tony knows but they both pretend not to know. Tony likes teasingly confusing Steve in the best Stark-manner, all his other friends are too used to that.

 

1:30

Tony’s sitting in front of Steve by the kitchen table, sipping his tea and observing Steve taking bites of a waffle and drinking third glass of orange juice. Sometimes Tony forgets that Steve isn’t exactly human, that he’s something better, something  _more_ , and he’s a complete opposite of Tony is those regards. He could never have cancer. He could never be this weak and breakable. It’s hard not to envy him the super-body sometimes, but then it’s hard not to envy everyone healthy.

These are not thoughts he should have in his head today though, he should make more effort at being Stark-like, so he decides to ask Steve something he’s been wondering about for a long time.

‘So Steve, are we gonna have sex?’

Steve almost chokes on his waffle and then give Tony a  _really?_  look.

‘What? I’m just trying to get in character. And I know they have a betting pool at S.H.I.E.L.D., even though I’m sure they haven’t taken not having sex into consideration.’

‘You’re not  _getting in character_ ,’ Steve declares, putting his waffle down and straightening his back, as if he was preparing for something. ‘You’re exaggerating and acting and it’s silly. Besides, we’ve already talked about that.’

‘No, we haven’t, sweetheart –’

‘ _Tony_.’

Tony takes a breath and says, more quietly, ‘We haven’t talked about it. Not really. And we could have sex if you wanted –’

‘Tony –’

‘I  _can_ , if you’re wondering, I could have sex with you –’

‘Listen to yourself,’ Steve tells him and lifts up his hand in halting gesture, so Tony doesn’t interrupt. ‘You never said you wanted it. If I wanted it and you didn’t, it would be wrong.’

‘I know,’ Tony says, suddenly remembering a few things Rhodey said to him a long time ago, and they’re still stuck in his head, even though he’s not a teenager anymore. ‘I just wanted to let you know. We could.’

‘But we won’t,’ Steve says easily, as if it didn’t matter. ‘And you don’t mind.’

‘Not at all,’ Tony agrees, still finding himself surprised, even though he’s been thinking about this ever since hooking up with Steve. All of his _relationships_  used to be based on sex and sex only and he still expects things to be different than they are. ‘Do you?’

‘Tony, I was willing to wait three years of courtship before laying hands on a girl on our wedding night.  _Three years_.’

‘We don’t have three years anyway,’ Tony points out simply, ‘but you don’t have to.’

‘What do you have me for, a sex-driven machine, Tony?’

‘All humans are pretty much that, we’re just smart animals from scientific point –’

‘Not me, then. I don’t care. And not you,’ Steve adds with a small encouraging smile, so Tony lets it go. ‘So, do you just ask me about that because you wanted to get your mind off later today?’

‘I kinda can’t wait for later today,’ Tony says and finds himself surprised at actually meaning those words. ‘It’ll be amusing, you know.’

‘You certainly deserve the amusement,’ JARVIS says unexpectedly. Steve look up sharply at the voice and gains a resigned look from Tony; he really should be used to this by now. ‘I have the footage from S.H.I.E.L.D. cameras, sir, if you would like to view it. Selected scenes only.’

‘Wanna see what Fury’s face was like when I sent them a little bug with a hint of what’s gonna happen at the press conference they’ve just learned about?’

‘You  _didn’t_ ,’ Steve deadpans, but he stand up and follows Tony into the workshop rather eagerly.

 

2:44

‘You’re hogging this damn table again and people here want to eat,’ Tony hears Happy hiss into his ear, and shrugs lightly. ‘Go to sleep to your damn room, boss. You’re not paying me enough to put up with this.’

‘Wasn’t sleeping,’ Tony mumbles – it’s true enough – but lifts himself up from the bearable position he’s found not so long ago. His arm feels numb from supporting his head in an awkward way but it’s fine.

‘You should’ve slept through the night, or at least more than two hours fifty-three minutes –’

‘JARVIS, I will seriously rewrite your code so that you speak in high-pitched old lady voice and you’ll have no power over my people anymore, other than making them giggle uncontrollably.’

‘I am trembling in fear deep within my code, sir,’ J comments easily, but makes it sound as if he actually did.

‘You should start getting ready, I might have been joking about those eight hours of make-up application, but you could use some. You know. Not to look like a pale ghost.’

‘A ghost, huh,’ Tony mutters to himself, considering the option, and stands up slowly. ‘Where’s Steve?’

‘Chatting with Pepper. She got here not too long ago, and apparently sneaked past you.’

‘I’ll go get my beauty treatment then.’

‘Good luck,’ Happy laughs, opening the fridge, ‘I’ll come by when you’re done.’

 

3:00

‘So, you’re not tying Nate to Stark anyhow, right?’ Pepper asks, applying some foundation under Tony’s tired eyes. He feels funny, almost like before one of those photo sessions for fancy magazines back in his 20s, when they insisted on making him look nice and took forever of touching his face and trying to get a date. Only that Pepper’s not trying to get a date. ‘I was wondering - Riverside? What are you planning to tell the kids, are you just going to disappear forever? Is that why you had Bruce start going there, and now Peter is, too, so that someone will instead of you?’

‘Bruce happened because the kid needed him, and Peter,’ Tony stops for a moment, trying to figure out how to put the too many thought he has in his head about Peter, ‘I don’t even know. He does what he wants.’

‘Don’t move your face for a sec –’

‘You just asked me a question.’

‘Sit still, please,’ Pepper sighs, trying to fix something on Tony’s forehead, something he can’t even see. He just rolls eyes at her and waits a moment until she’s done.

‘But no, I’m not linking Nate to Stark. Those that will know will know, and I don’t know about Riverside. It’d probably be better for the kids not to know the real reason I won’t be there, right? You’re not supposed to tell kids scary stuff.’

‘You’re not scary,’ Happy says from the back of the room where he’s flicking through trash news on one of Tony’s tablets.

‘I didn’t say I am –’

‘You meant cancer but it’s you now. It isn’t what defines you, but it’s part of you. No need to pretend in front of the kids, they don’t like bullshit.’

‘Happy! I’m pretty sure they don’t like swearing either,’ Pepper protests, looking up from her make-up kit and giving Happy a hard stare.

‘Oh man, they  _love_  swearing,’ Happy declares; Pepper and Steve collectively groan and Tony smiles internally – he still shouldn’t move his face, with Pepper’s hands all over – because they’re so much of a family.

That’s good. They will still have each other when he’s not here to bind them.

 

3:09

‘Nicky is threatening to rip my motherboard out if you don’t return his calls sometime soon,’ Hermes says when Tony’s waiting for Pepper to finish her little game.

‘It’s not like he has a damn idea where it is, H.’

‘I’m still scared, daddy –’

‘Don’t you ever call me that, you damn brat,’ Tony narrows his eyes at the camera he knows Hermes is peeking through.

Dummy chirps jealously from behind, making Tony jump a little because he never noticed the bot – bots, he realized, looking over his shoulder – enter the room. They shouldn’t leave the ‘shop but it’s probably Rhodey who let them wander about. They’ll really be on top of him when the time comes.

 

3:32

Tony stares at himself in the mirror in the empty room; everyone else is getting dressed and ready to leave, now that he’s been  _dealt with_. There’s a hologram of Tony Stark standing next to him, Tony Stark from before Afghanistan, just like Tony requested of JARVIS.

The A.I. was reluctant for a split of a second but fulfilled Tony’s wish.

It feels strange.

‘Hello, ladies and gentleman, it’s so nice to see you again, although you might not think the same about me,’ Tony says, smiling dazzlingly at his reflection, making sure to keep his voice the way Stark used to speak, stressing words in an attention-catching way, making them perfectly timed and yet slightly unexpected.

The hologram takes of the sunglasses in one smooth motion and nods at the non-existent audience. It’s hair is longer than Tony’s now, even if styled in the same way, and he’s got a nice sun tan and a healthy radiant look to him, screaming  _I own the world_  at everyone who dares to look. He seems bigger, body fit and filled with muscles, in a dominating way. Tony was definitely thinner and more rugged when he disappeared, so that works for his advantage; the photos people remember are halfway between  _then_  and  _now_.

What his body isn’t anymore he has to make up by the simple manner of being.

Good thing is, you can’t really forget how it is to be Tony Stark.

 

3:59

‘Let’s rock,’ Happy tells Tony holding the car door open.

Tony gives him a smile Happy knows too well and can read through perfectly well; he’s the most no-nonsense person in the universe and it’s his own little superpower.

Happy too knows very well that Tony could never forget how to act like himself.

 

4:22

‘Are you sure you’re up to this?’ Steve asks with concern flowing easily through his voice, not even trying to mask it. Which isn’t that surprising given that Tony’s on the floor, feeling cold but slightly feverish, and he’s been throwing up for the last few minutes.

Tony nods and smiles weakly: he knows Steve thinks it’s all because he’s so nervous but it’s not that. He might have been nervous for the last few days, damn, maybe for the last few hours, too, but he’s not anymore. He’s… excited, more than anything else. Impatient.

It’s just that his body hasn’t really been keeping up with the crazy whirlwind he’s been recently, in the best Stark-style. He’s been thinking too much instead of sleeping and working too much instead of resting, and the nausea is always there, with the cancer hiding in his abdomen, making everything feel wrong.

‘Put on a fresh shirt –’

‘I haven’t –’

‘No, you haven’t messed it up, but you’ll feel better in a fresh one,’ Pepper tells him, holding out a hanger with a neatly pressed light blue shirt. ‘And drink this,’ she presents a glass in her other hand. Steve takes it from her and hands over to Tony.

‘You ready for this?’

‘I can keep it down, Steve, yeah – flat ginger ale?’

‘I’ve seen you vomit enough times in my life to know what works,’ Pepper comments, completely nonplussed. One point for her. It makes Tony feel better, seeing Pepper all composed and being herself.

‘This does feel kind of familiar, in-character, if you know what I mean,’ Tony replies, flashing her a tired please-don’t-hate-me smile she’s seen thousand times. This used to be a part of being himself, in the end.

 

4:28

‘Two minutes,’ Happy tells Tony, narrowing his eyes at the tie skeptically. Everyone else is in their seats and secret positions. Happy refused to be in the audience.

‘The introduction will last three minutes, at least.’

‘Five minutes, then,’ Happy mumbles unhappily, fixing the tie with skilled delicate movements, and then glances at his watch. ‘Four now.’

 

4:32

‘Let me repeat once more time: all individuals acting out will be removed from the room. Please be advised about that, there will be no exceptions. And no questions,’ the man says. He’s name in Patrick, Tony thinks, one of Pepper’s top secret PR people. He’s really good at managing the hungry beasts of journalists.

‘I think some of them are starting to realize that this is bigger than they originally thought, sir, given the extreme precautions and strictness of the rules of this meeting,’ JARVIS says, his voice echoing in Iron Man’s helmet.

‘I’d be offended if everyone they sent to the conference was an utter idiot, J,’ he replies, listening to the wave of mutters crawling through the audience behind the door, and then hears the wooden floor creaking as one of the security guards approaches to open the door.

‘You will be amazing, sir. Make them go crazy.’

‘I will,’ Tony swears, shaking the guard’s hand mechanically and following him towards the stage, hearing nothing but his calm breaths and the softest noise of the Mark X joints moving.

 

4:33

‘Tell Happy his time predictions were eerily accurate,’ Tony tells JARVIS inside the suit, observing the crowd of people staring at him intently. They’ve only been told Iron Man wants to hold a press conference, no reasons were given. They’ve been guessed, surely, but not given. ‘Five minutes, damn him.’

‘I will forward your words, sir.’

‘Let’s the game begin?’

‘It is time,’ JARVIS agrees, and Tony smirks behind the faceplate, enjoying the last moment of anonymity.

It is time.

So Tony takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second, and then says, his voice not filtered by JARVIS for the first time in ages, ‘Hello, ladies and gentleman, it’s so nice to see you again – although you might not think the same about me.’

Their eyes slowly widen with realization and Tony can feel the buzz of excitement running through his body, making him shiver slightly. He knows he will enjoy it, he’s supposed to enjoy it, the whole world  _realizing_.

The whole world understanding.

So Tony doesn’t waste any more time and takes off the helmet.

They shout and gasp and all talk at once and Tony just smirks at them, in a way that almost has been his only expression since he graduates MIT, and waits for them to catch their breath while trying to look at his teammates, hidden in the crowd, without meeting their eyes.

Natasha and Bruce seem to be whispering fervently while Clint just stares, eyes narrowed and curious and maybe a bit betrayed. Or angry. Hard to say.

Phil is by Fury and seems to be physically keeping Director from lashing out.

Steve is at the back, his arm wrapped around Peter’s skinny figure.

Thor is not there but Jane is, and she seems stunned, although it might be both positive and negative reaction. Tony’s not sure she’d have a reason to be mad at him.

‘What I’m about to tell you will certainly prompt many questions but I have to ask you to remain calm and quiet as you were asked or I will leave – and that’s non-negotiable,’ Tony says, his voice, magnified my speakers, filling the room and taking over the space completely, and the uproar seem to die down a bit. ‘So please behave, guys,’ he raises an eyebrow challengingly, but no one speaks up. Good. ‘My name is Tony Stark and I’ve supposedly been missing for almost two years now. Only that I haven’t been which you have realized by now. So it’s pretty much all I’ve wanted to say while seeing you realize what that means. I flew a nuke into space and saved your asses over and over and over, begging my friend not to read me trash you’ve made up about me, although some of it was quite amusing…’ Tony trails off, searching for Pepper, and the he sees her, shaking her head with amused disbelief – but she’s smiling.

It means he’s doing a good job.

‘But I’m not telling you this because I want you to rectify every single bad thing you’ve unjustly written about me, every rumor and every insult. It would be nice if you did, by the way, so feel free to say you’re sorry,’ Tony says, putting his hands in the suit’s pockets and taking a step forward. ‘I’m telling you all this because as of now, I’m stepping down from acting as Iron Man.’

It feels strangely easy and smooth to say those words, and – liberating.

There’s a soft wave of voices rising again but Tony makes a  _stop_  gesture and they all die down within half a second.

‘Iron Man is  _not_  going to cease to exist,’ he tells them. ‘In fact, there will be two from now on. Someone new will watch over your ungrateful asses because we’re good people and that’s what we do, and another someone is directly taking over my role in the Avengers straight away but I won’t reveal their identity, whether they will share with the public or not is completely up to them,’ Tony states, pushing the vision of JARVIS giving his identity away; the world is not ready for that yet and won’t be for a long time. ‘They have my utmost trust and I can assure you no one in the world could be a better candidate for that function –’ he trails off, hearing JARVIS’ voice in the comm unit in his ear.

‘Emergency alert,’ J says and Tony knows exactly what it means.

‘Well, excusez-moi, I guess you’ll see Iron Man in action once more before I get to retire,’ he says, the armor already building up around him, and observes his teammates leaving the room in hurry out of the corner of his eye. ‘Let’s rock,’ he says in Iron Man’s voice before flying out of the room right over people’s heads.

 

5:00

‘You do have a flair for dramatics,’ JARVIS says, showing the ETA on the HUD for Tony. They need to get to one of S.H.I.E.L.D. secret facilities as soon as possible, someone has just committed a very well-timed break in. There are secrets hidden in the base that no one should know about.

‘Spare me that, J, for once it wasn’t my fault.’

‘You could have left the room instead of putting up a show in front of everyone.’

‘Where would be the fun in that?’ Tony asks, grinning, and almost hears JARVIS sigh.

 

5:20

‘We should be there in three minutes, sir. Thor is approaching the site as well, the rest of the team is ten minutes behind.’

‘Got it,’ Tony mutters, concentrating on breathing steadily. Today is like the worse day ever for an unexpected mission; he’s worn out from all the preparations and not sleeping and general mess his life has been in the last couple of weeks, and he really shouldn’t be flying. Or fighting.

‘Are you feeling all right?’

‘I will,’ Tony assures JARVIS, offering him a small smile, ‘once I have my feet on the ground and take a few breaths. And pop some pills.’

‘I am concerned about you, sir.’

‘That’s the last time you are though!’ Tony comments cheerfully, faking a smile. JARVIS doesn’t dignify that with a verbal answer but Tony can guess exactly what the A.I. is thinking. ‘Don’t sweat it, daddy will be fine, we’ve done more questionable things than this, besides, aren’t I the indispensable one here, with my super invisibility powers? The bad guys won’t even know that I’m coming – by the way, has S.H.I.E.L.D. identified them yet?’

‘Apparently they call themselves AIM and do not even bother with hiding that. They seem to have a knack for stealing restricted tech. There are several notices from the last few months, all of them minor but presenting a pattern.’

‘You know what you’ll be taking care of in the coming months then,  _Iron Man_ ,’ Tony tells JARVIS as he lands next to Thor, a minute’s flight away from the building.

‘You were not supposed to be here,’ Thor says, staring at Tony with a frown mixed with something Tony can’t quite pinpoint.

‘Bad guys weren’t supposed to be here either –’

‘I say it not because I’m unhappy to see you, but because you have taken me by surprise, friend.’

‘One last time,’ Tony tells Thor, his now gloveless hands searching for the release for one of his secret  _pockets_ , and then he takes of the helmet and puts a few pills in his mouth and dry-swallows them. It’ll take them a moment to kick in but they’ll make him ready for a fair round of fighting.

‘You look very handsome today, Tony,’ Thor says with the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement before Tony can put the helmet back on. Tony raises an eyebrow.

‘You say that as if I didn’t look handsome every day.’

‘My deepest apologies for unknowingly suggesting such atrocity,’ Thor says, bowing his head, and then adds as he picks up Mjölnir from the ground. ‘Shall we?’

‘After you,’ Iron Man replies in his metallic voice and gives Thor a sharp nod.

 

5:49

Tony is pretty sure he didn’t sign up for hostage situation.

To be honest it’s something the bad guys do all the time so he shouldn’t be that surprised, but it just complicates things. What complicates the situation further is that the hostages are three brilliant engineers that Tony would, selfishly, hate to see hurt. These kids are just out of the Academy, with fresh minds and endless ideas, and S.H.I.E.L.D. can’t afford to lose them.

On the good side, with enough time and some distraction, Tony trusts them to be smart enough to free themselves.

‘Let’s give them fifteen from now, they will have enough time to do put their act together, and then we go in.’

‘And how are we supposed to do that?’ Clint wonders, playing with one of his arrows, tense and concentrated. There are more hostilities in the place than the three gunman holding the kids on gunpoint.

‘I’m pretty sure they’ve been busy enough to get nothing more than a word about my latest adventures. I can persuade them that they want Stark more than those three.’

‘You’re insane,’ Natasha comments, sounding rather appreciative. ‘But it could work,’ she adds, checking the time. ‘Thirteen. And you seem to have lots of trust in those kids.’

‘I know how it is to be like them,’ Tony says easily. In more ways than one.

 

6:24

The hostages are safely wrapped with blankets and seated in one of the conference rooms. Tony left the bad guys with Clint, Natasha, Steve, and a handful of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents who entered the building when the team triple-checked the safety protocols. Some items in the building are extremely dangerous and even Fury didn’t want to risk his men’s lives.

That’s what superheroes are for.

They really are kids, Tony realized when he saw them with his own eyes. No older than twenty, each of them with a doctorate. So damn much like himself.

They also seem to be one of those people who stare wide-eyed and stutter in his presence.

Well. In  _Stark’s_  presence.

‘We knew it was supposed to be a big day, of course, sir, with Iron Man holding a press conference – we all had our suspicions what it was about – but we never thought it would be  _you_  revealing your identity –’

‘We never believed in the rumors that you’ve been hiding somewhere or drinking yourself sick, sir, of course you’d never do  _just_  that, a genius like you couldn’t just waste time –’

‘I’ve been doing lots of things,’ Tony cuts in, the smirk of amusement never leaving his face – they are so damn cute in their admiration – and gestures at them do drink their hot calming tea, courtesy of Bruce. ‘None of them were wasting time though.’

‘We’re glad you’re back, Mister Stark, maybe we could work together, a little bit? If you can spare some time? There are some things we’d love to ask you about –’

‘Don’t Mister  _Stark_  me,’ Tony tells the girl. ‘Call me Tony. Even I’m not above feeling old when you call me  _mister_. And I’ll see what I can do about it.’

‘Thanks… Tony,’ the other girl says, as if his name was holy. Tony offers her his trademark smile, more thankful for their words than they know: it’s so good to realize there are people who can look past everything else and still see Stark as no one but a genius scientist, something Tony has always been most of all.

 

6:49

‘And you left your girl to clean up your mess again,’ Fury says, strolling into the room as if he owned it. He kind of does, Tony realizes, as he waves at Director.

‘It’s not a mess and she’s been preparing for it for a long time and we both know she’s more than capable of keeping everyone at bay, Nick.’

‘Don’t call me that –’

‘Don’t scowl. Makes you look older.’

‘I so much preferred you when you were pretending not to be you but a polite and conveniently mute man,  _Tony_.’

‘Well –’

‘And if you cut off all communication with us sane people again, I’ll make sure you regret it.’

‘Are you gonna throw me out of the team?’ Tony winks at Fury playfully, making the man scowl even deeper. ‘Sorry. Already did that. But I’ll try not to give Hermes more difficult moral choices between this two masters.’

‘As if he’d ever choose anyone but you – are you three fine now?’ he adds, turning towards his protégées, and Tony can imagine them nodding simultaneously.

Now the Avengers will need to hunt down AIM but it’s not Tony’s problem, not anymore. It’s a liberating feeling, in an unexpected way. He kinda just wants to rest and he  _can_.

‘… your testimonies, and then you can go home. Take a few days off. Come back when you’re ready. We’ll have a close look at AIM in the meantime.’

‘Thanks for coming yourself, Director, you didn’t have to –’

‘Damn right I didn’t but I knew this idiot would be here and I need to talk to him – Stark?’

The Director’s voice seems to be hazy in Tony’s head, in a strange and funny way. Muffled and buzzy.

‘I warned you, sir, that taking medicine just hides the pain and the nausea, but does not give your body extra strength. You are simply exhausted,’ JARVIS voice is much closer and much softer, in a way that makes Tony shiver.

‘Stark, you okay?’ Fury asks and Tony gives him a vague shooing motion with his hand, looking for some kind of support with his other, and leans against a desk heavily, his fingers clutching the desktop desperately. ‘Stark?’

Tony can feel all the eyes on him. Unpaired eyes. Fury is approaching him in slow steps, saying something Tony doesn’t bother to focus on, but before he can touch Tony, there’s someone standing between them.

‘Leave him,’ the person says angrily and it takes Tony half a second to realize it’s Peter. Peter as himself, not dressed up in Spider Man’s tight reds and blacks.

‘Parker –’

‘Don’t say anything. Leave him alone,’ Peter says again and even Fury seems taken aback by the determination in his voice. Tony wonders vaguely how Peter would do in S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, he’s be right in his element, with people like him – but he’d have to reveal his identity to everyone then. Like Tony.

‘I’m –’ Tony Starts, but Peter doesn’t seem to listen to him.

‘Drink this. Now,’ Peter orders him and puts a bottle into Tony’s shaky hand, so Tony drinks. Tastes like one of those sports drinks with electrolytes and everything human body needs to regenerate which sounds like a good idea. ‘Now breathe and come with me – tell JARVIS to tell Steve we’re getting on Quinjet.’

‘The suit –’

‘No one is letting you fly, idiot,’ Peter says and offers Tony a hand.

Tony breathes in and out, takes Peter’s hand, and lets the kid lead him out of the room without looking back.

 

7:25

Doc is waiting on the roof of the Avengers HQ. It’s only Tony, Peter, and Steve on the jet, the rest stayed with S.H.I.E.L.D. at the facility. Tony’s grateful for that, a moment of rest before confronting the world again is rather welcome.

He falls asleep cuddled in Steve’s lap right after Doc starts the IV, the last thing he can remember being their all hushed voices, mixed and soft and comforting.

 

9:18

‘Hey, Tony,’ Steve says into Tony’s ear, making it tickle, ‘the team will be back soon, in fifteen minutes or so. Do you want to go somewhere else?’

Tony takes a moment to look around before replying because he hasn’t really paid attention to where he was before. They’re in the common room on the ground floor, the one that served as Clint and Phil’s reception hall some time ago.

‘I need to talk with them anyway, hmmm?’ he mutters in response, enjoying Steve’s hand running through his hair and probably messing the careful hairstyle Pepper took so much time to fix.

‘It doesn’t have to be today. Whenever you want to.’

‘I don’t want to hide anymore.’

‘You sure, Tony?’

‘ _I_ am not sure, as his doctor, that you should let him make decisions. He’s been pretending nicely, but he’s out of it. Too tired to think straight. Right, kid?’

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Tony teases, knowing exactly what Doc means. ‘I’m fine, I know I’ve been doing all this a bit too intently and all but I’m fine now. Just tired.’

‘And you missed your meds at eight.’

‘Sorry,’ Tony mutters, stirring in Steve’s lap. Half of his body feels remotely numb, be probably should stand up and stretch him limbs a bit.

‘Tony, you need to tell me now, do you want to go rest elsewhere, or are you fine answering the team’s questions? Because they’ll be here soon, like I told you.’

Tony almost says that he will stay, but then he realizes he has a much better answer.

‘Let’s go home for a bit,’ he decides. Steve doesn’t question it, just helps Tony up and leads him out of the building. Happy is waiting there in one of Tony’s favorite cars, the engine rumbling pleasantly.

 

9:53

Steve’s in the shower again, cleaning the battle dust off himself, and Tony’s sitting curled up in his favorite armchair, watching the TV special coverage about Tony Stark’s comeback to the land of living.

They point out he looks different, that he’s lost weight, that he is paler, and they speculate. It doesn’t support the rumor that he’s been on his private tropical island and some of the people seem genuinely surprised.

Apparently it’s been long enough since his declaration for the silly speculations to begin; the media never does anything seriously. They always want answers for the wrong questions.

They do ask  _why_ , but they can only guess, and some of the guesses make Tony angry.

 

10:02

Tony loses patience pretty quickly and tells JARVIS to make a call for him.

‘I want you to get all those idiots back and set things straight – I left it mystery once already. I won’t do it again. Eleven p.m., same place, okay, Pepper?’

‘Tony?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m sick of half-truths, you know. I’m  _sick_ of them. It’s been too long and I’ve got fucking nothing to lose.

‘ _Tony_.’

‘What?’

‘You shouldn’t do it based on anger, you know. You might regret it later and there’s no going back once you make the decision.’

‘You know what?’ Tony laughs shortly, his voice deep and dark. ‘I’ve been imagining this moment for such a long time. At first I was scared of dying, you know, and I still am, but it gives me the advantage of being able to do what I want. I want to shove it in their hungry faces, I want to see them stare, I want to hear their explanations, even if they’re worth nothing, I want –’

‘You want justice, in your own way,’ Pepper says exactly what Tony’s thinking, surprising no one. Tony scoffs. ‘You deserve it, Tony. If you’re sure. I’ll arrange everything.’

‘Just don’t tell anyone here, okay?’ Tony tells her before she hangs up.

 

10:12

Rhodey comes in without knocking.

‘Steve thinks you might need some space and it’s very noble of him, but I’m not giving you space. At all. Tell me what’s in your head and convince me you won’t regret it and it’s not as stupid as telling Steve your identity from that fucking floor was.’

‘I just want to laugh in their faces. Because I can, I still can,’ Tony says, not looking away from the mirror. He might not be as good as Pepper at these things, but he knows well enough how to fix his own make-up. A little bit.

‘Fair enough,’ Rhodey agrees and walks into Tony’s closet to look for another sharp clean shirt Tony can wear.

 

10:55

Steve texts him asking where Tony is and Tony tells JARVIS to reply however he wants.

‘No introductions this time,’ Pepper says as she comes in, typing something on her phone with one hand and handing Tony a tablet with the newest portion of evening news opened in a few tabs.

‘I’ll stand behind you,’ Rhodey tells Tony and adjusts his tie the way Happy did a few hours earlier, it’s unnecessary but it’s almost a ritual by now.

 

11:00

‘So you’ve seen me today on this scene already and now you’re rolling your eyes,’ Tony says as he walks towards the front. There’s a rostrum to his right but he doesn’t want to stand behind it, it’d feel like hiding.

He takes a deep breath.

‘I wasn’t planning to tell you this but I think I will, there are too many people waiting for an explanation – and some who actually deserve and  explanation – and I don’t feel like pretending anymore,’ he says, the voice echoing through the room. The crowd stirs. ‘I had this talk with Captain America, some time ago,’ he continues, smirking at the short wave of murmurs at the mention of Steve, ‘about one special kind of bravery. Some time ago I told him I was too tired and I was not ready yet to make a certain decision – but I feel that right now it’s a good time. I know someone will have my back when I step down this stage and disappear in the back room and that’s all the assurance I need right now. Now wait – this will be so melodramatic. I’ve always had a penchant for dramatic gestures and you all know it very well. Especially you, Christine,’ he winks at the journalist who narrows her eyes.

Another breath. He knows Rhodey is itching to put his hand on Tony arms but he doesn’t, respecting Tony’s request; this is something that he needs to do alone.

‘I’m resigning from acting as Iron Man today because I don’t have enough time for that. I disappeared, all those months ago, because I didn’t have enough time or patience for quarrels and explanations and accusations that the world wanted to bury me with, there were other things I had to do instead of fighting with the whole world. I had to fight  _for_  the whole world.’

Breathe in. Breathe out.

‘You’ve had a few hours to realize what  _me_  being Iron Man means. I don’t need to repeat anything or to explain anything to you, I believe your own minds can process all that well enough. I just want to make sure you understand one thing: time is growing shorter and – and I need to leave.’

Breathe in. Breathe out.

‘The thing is, I am ill and I have a few months left to live. If you’re wondering yes, I’ve known about it before my disappearing act. Quite a long time before. I just wasn’t sure when I’d die but I grew tired of pretending that I care anyway.’

Breathe in. Breathe out.

_Smile_.

‘It felt a bit strange, going back to being myself, although it seems to fit me well,’ Tony keeps talking towards the stunned audience, and winks at Pepper when he meets her eyes, and then closes his eyes. ‘One more thing I wanted to say, to everyone who’s encountered the man I was pretending to be: please accept my deepest apologies. Yes, it’s just  _me_  and yes, we can talk later.’

Keep smiling. Open your eyes.

‘Right now,’ he says, looking back at the audience intently, ‘all I want is to be left alone in peace and I foolishly trust you to respect that.’

He turns around, ignoring the low rumble of voices – he might have forgotten to tell them that there will be no questions this time, right – and nods at Rhodey. Rhodey nods back and starts walking towards the exit at the back, but Tony changes his mind and turns around instead of following and grins at the mass of people in front of him, difficult to do with all the cameras flashing into his eyes.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

‘There you go, Steve,’ he says loudly, making everyone go silent in a split of a second. There are cameras filming him and Steve is surely watching the footage. ‘I did it and I’m not gonna regret it,’ he adds, waves at the camera, blows a kiss at the crows and leaves quickly, his perfect Italian leather shoes clicking on the wooden floor.

 

11:19

‘Boss,’ Happy says, opening the door for Tony.

‘Yeah?’

‘You rocked,’ Happy grins and shoves Tony inside, and then takes his place by the driving wheel. Pepper and Rhodey are already seated in front and back seat respectively.

‘You don’t think it was stupid?’

‘I laughed at their faces,’ Happy says simply, starting the engine. ‘But no matter what, I’m supposed to tell you, Doc wants to talk to you tomorrow.’

‘Spoilsport,’ Tony sighs, looking out of the window. The city at night feels strange – that’s a wrong way to say it, though, he realizes. The city feels strange. The night feels strange. Everything feels strange and new and overwhelming in a way that makes his heart beat faster in anticipation. ‘I don’t want to think about tomorrow,’ he adds.

No one says anything throughout the rest of the ride.

 

11:43

‘All I care is that you’re not gonna regret it,’ is how Steve greets Tony as soon as the four of them walk through the apartment door.

‘I might. When I have to explain to everyone why haven’t I told them first, since they obviously deserve it –’

‘They’ll understand,’ Steve says but Tony isn’t that sure.

‘They will understand, sir. They are smart people. They realize sometimes it hurts most to tell people close to you,’ JARVIS adds, whispering straight into Tony’s ear, and Tony nods with a tired smile.

‘You think you can sleep tonight?’

‘Probably better than for the last few nights,’ Tony admits, taking off his jacket and the tie and leaving it randomly hanging from the back of a chair. ‘You all staying?’

Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy all look at him in the same way.

‘I’ll go to the HQ and explain a few things,’ Steve decides, noticing those looks, too, and Tony almost wants to make him stay, but he knows Steve wants to give him this moment. This night. He’s never – he’s never known Tony  _before_. Tony’s always been more of Iron Man and Nate than Stark to him, and right now, Tony needs silent assurance from people who can see past that façade.

‘See you in the morning,’ Tony tells Steve and kisses him in the cheek and watches him go.

 

11:59

‘We’re not kids,’ Tony tries to protest, but he’s having too much fun to even pretend to be annoyed.

‘Shut up and give me that blanket,’ Pepper orders him, so Tony hands it to her. He might be an engineer, but this construction seems to be behind his abilities of comprehension. First of all, it shouldn’t even exist, from logical point of view.

 

12:19

Everyone but Tony is asleep, cuddled up like damn kids on a sleepover.

Their close presence and the almost synchronized breaths and the assurance it gives him, that he will never even be alone again, make his chest feel just a bit tight.

He pulls the blanket under his chin and closes his eyes, letting himself drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah. I hope this is what you've been waiting, for. At least partially, dears! :) Please let me know what you think. This is a bit of an experiment and took too long to write and I'm not perfectly happy so I'd love your feedback.
> 
> There will be one more chapter, kind of a bonus, in a few days, so stay tuned!
> 
> (Also, for those who might be interested in updates/info etc. I post things on [my tumblr](http://concreteandsun.tumblr.com/) sometimes)


	2. New York Times, September 22, 2013

****

 

**Article 1:**

NEW YORK –– In a short yet dramatic speech at a press conference held in one of Stark International exhibition halls, Tony Stark proclaimed his comeback and admitted to having been acting as Iron Man since the very beginning in late 2010. The conference,  announced to a small number of parties just a few hours before it took place to ensure maximum confidentiality, was to be Iron Man’s first official contact with the public in years.

The journalists gathered together just before 4:30, waiting for one of the biggest mysteries of the last few years was about to be revealed. Iron Man, in a shiny new and battle-free armor, walked on the podium proudly and without hesitation and, by taking off his helmet,  presented the whole world an unexpectedly familiar face. The crowd was rendered speechless; many have wondered who could have been able to create an engineering miracle as Iron Man’s armor, and there have been whispers that there is only one person, but Stark’s appearance was more than a surprise. While the world was led to believe that Stark – after a long and very public downfall – has been missing or maybe even dead, he has been hiding behind the scenes and saving the world, which he did not fail to point out  seemingly without much grudge.

Stark continued his speech to finally announce something even more unexpected than his coming out:  “ _I’m telling you all this because as of now, I’m stepping down from acting as Iron Man,_ ” he declared, assuring the public that “ _Iron Man is not going to cease to exist_ ” [for the full text of the announcement follow to page 4]. A moment later the meeting was dramatically interrupted by an Avengers call to assemble, leaving everyone confused and  wondering what Stark would have said if he wasn’t interrupted. Within a moment, taking control of the situation, Stark International CEO Virginia “Pepper” Potts   appeared on the podium and started explaining some of Stark’s plans, speaking concisely and knowledgably, in a fashion she has become famous for. She admitted to having known about Stark’s situation for some time although refused to give details, claiming that it was not of importance at the moment.

The superhero’s identity, a name to the suit, would have possibly been satisfying enough, but it turned out to be just a beginning. Potts declared Stark’s return as head of Research and Development division at Stark International and revealed that several patents that have recently been granted and remained  anonymous until now, revolutionary in fields of medical engineering and clean energy, have been in fact Stark’s creations that will be explored and used by Stark Industries.

” _We stand at the brink of a new era today, thanks to Mister Stark, in more ways than one_ ,” Potts said, gaining rather mixed reactions – those words have certainly been overused in the past – yet a moment later she proved the words true. The wall behind her turned into screens showing the newest Stark International skyscraper, which has been under construction for half a year, and a set of blueprints.  ” _We’ve all seen Iron Man flying, and many have asked how is that possible and what powers the suit. This is it_.”  The “ _it”_ was a detailed schematic on the side screen that slowly turned into a photograph of a finished object,  Arc Reactor, a clean energy source with previously unachieved energy output. A much bigger one was installed in the tower’s basement and was launched right before the eyes of the journalists’ and surprised passersby. The building is more than just an addition to the skyline despite giving New York a distinctive mark of Stark’s name near the top, to compete only with the Chrysler building and the Twin Towers. As of now we can only speculate how the markets will react to these revelations but without doubt it will indeed be a beginning of a revolution. Several countries, including Russia and China, have immediately expressed their interest in the technology and demanded explanations regarding its availability. The Department of Energy is in contact with its counterparts in all over the world as well as Stark International representatives.

Yet the revolution is probably going to be led by someone other than Stark himself. In the late evening Potts released an open invitation to another press conference without any further explanation. Amidst the New York half-darkness crowd gathered again, several times bigger, and soon Stark was back on the stage without any introduction.

_Continued on Page 2_                

 

 

 

**Article 2:**

NEW YORK –– We were played. It was the most obvious thought when Iron Man’s helmet came off and instead of some undiscovered genius we saw a face that at a time was more familiar to us than the President’s. The realization is a painful one, for those who dare to recognize what it means, and pushes us towards the inevitable questions: _why_ were we played? Why did we believe in the lies? Why did Stark deem it necessary to abandon everything his life has ever been?

It’s good to take a look back, before Stark’s mistakes became largely public, before the kidnapping of 2010, and try to find the moment when the smokescreen started raising. He’s always been America’s prodigious child, born and growing up in spotlight, and an open book to the public, or so we were led to believe reading about him in newspapers and hearing about him on TV all the time, about inventions and romances, about billion dollar contracts and nights spent in custody. So much has been said, maybe too much, in the last few months before Stark’s disappearance and in the following few, before we finally started to forget.

Stark’s words yesterday were casuals and practiced and half-joking, exactly the way he used to speak, and he almost made it easy to believe that he didn’t feel hurt by the accusations that later proved incorrect. He didn’t seem hurt, but after learning about his performances it would be unwise to easily believe him. All the personal information shared was concise and vague in a way that makes us all desire the real explanation, but that needs to be gained.

Now we are to face a man who hangs out with his superhero friends and keeps us safe from things we couldn’t begin to understand, who brings a new era of medical imagining that will undoubtedly save thousands of lives as a result of researching his own illness (which remains undisclosed) and has the rulers of the world on speed dial. And all this we know only because we are meant to, because Stark let us. We have to look him in the eye, as a nation, and apologize. It might sound like an old-fashioned notion, but he deserves a bow of gratitude for saving New York from a nuclear bombing during the Chitauri Invasion only. There’ve been voices of disagreement, and there will be, but if so, I would like to know why some were eager to worship a secret identity Iron Man but do not feel obliged to thank the man inside, regardless of his name.

And Stark is –  I have never dared to write before – more than most of us. The flashy smiles and smart suits might 

_Continued on Page 7_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it almost as much as a real chapter... Thanks for reading!


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